Tray Tables Up Please...

I'm sitting in my office, outlook calendar open and color-coded, telephone glued to to my ear, and excel spreadsheet windows opened all over my dual monitors.  It must fall travel planning time at work!

With my shoes off, Pandora on, and coffee in hand, I dial up high school after high school to schedule my visits for the fall.  Currently, I'm listening to yet another quality piece of "music" while on hold (usually some intense clip of music from the high school marching band/drum circle/chorus group).  To pass the time, I have been searching the internet for some good travel tips and I came across this funny piece put together by Reader's Digest (yes, that 4x6 magazine that only your grandparents subscribe to).  They have listed out some of the top things your flight attendants wish they could say to you.  Here are some of my personal favorites:

- The lavatory door is not rocket science. Just push.

- Want to start off on the wrong foot with me? Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin, leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem you just created.

- I hand you a cup of coffee and say, 'Cream and sugar?' You say, 'What?' I say, 'Cream and sugar?' You say, 'What?' Come on, people. What do you think we're going to ask after we've handed you coffee? Your favorite color?

- No, it's not OK to come back into the galley to stretch and bend over with your rear end in my face while I'm in my jump seat during my only break, trying to eat a meal.

- Just in case you hadn't noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you. So don't clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket!

via here

- Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other. 'Can you tell him to put his seat up?' 'She won't share the armrest.' What am I, a preschool teacher?

- Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we're wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle? You can't wait 90 seconds for us to pass?

- Do not poke or grab me.  I mean it. No one likes to be poked, but it’s even worse on the plane because you’re sitting down and we’re not, so it’s usually in a very personal area. You would never grab a waitress if you wanted ketchup or a fork, would you? 

- You really expect me to take your soggy Kleenex?  Or your kid’s fully loaded diaper? I’ll be right back with gloves.

- Sure, I don’t mind waiting while you scour the seatback pocket and the floor for candy wrappers and other garbage, then place them in my bag one by one. I only have 150 other passengers to serve.

via here

- I don’t care if you want to be in the mile-high club, keep your clothes on.  Who decided the mile-high club was something that everyone wants to do anyway? It’s cramped and dirty in those bathrooms.

- If you hear us paging for a doctor or see us running around with oxygen, defibrillators and first aid kits, that’s not the right time to ask for a blanket or a Diet Coke.

Until next time, travel on...

Maggie