Descriptors Decoded

The wise traveler looks up a hotel's website and reviews before even leaving home to make sure they know what to expect from their upcoming reservation. The trick is to find the true meaning behind all of the artfully crafted paragraphs that highlight every minute detail on the property.

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Somewhere, a marketing intern is typing up copy for a hotel website. Suddenly, a comfortable bed turns into a sumptuous haven of crisp cotton that engulfs guests in comfort, thank you very much right mouse click, insert synonym.

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I'm here to un-"right mouse click" all of these words for you so you can know what to really expect when you get to your next destination.  Enjoy.  Or should I say relish in the delightful warmth of happiness?  Ew.

Serene Getaway - Welcome to the middle of nowhere.

Family Friendly - Get ready for some cannonballs in the pool.

Garden View - Enjoy looking at the parking lot.

Cozy - Hope you packed light!

Rustic - Expect stuffed deer/moose/bears to adorn your room.

New Lobby - We don't have enough money to update the rooms,

so we just did the entrance instead.

Off Season Discount - Take the money you're saving to buy either

hurricane travel insurance or at least a poncho.

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Walking distance to... - Better bring your power-walking gear!

Convenient highway location - You're so close, it is as

if you are merging onto Rt. 81 as you sleep!

Classic Colonial Styling - Bring your parasol and read Jane Eyre
as you relax on your bed covered in a lace duvet cover.

Superior Guest Room - Same as all the rest of the rooms.

Deluxe Continental Breakfast - Still the same 'ol salty eggs and mucky oatmeal.

Mini-Bar - Empty wallet.

Business Center - 1996 Compaq computer and ink-jet printer out of ink.

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Simple Decor - Bed, lamp, carpet. Nuff said.

Safe Location - Don't worry, the barbed wire keeps all the riff raff out!

Luxury Experience - Your wallet looks too full, can we help lessen the load for you?

The Hottest Place To Stay - Justin Timberlake stayed here once in 1997.

Quaint B&B with Country Decor - Welcome to our home,

do you want to learn about our porcelain doll collection?

 

 

Until next time, travel on...

Maggie